Why being pleasant sends out a butterfly effect of goodwiill

Why being genuinely pleasant sends out a butterfly effect of goodwill.

When you consider the expression 'the best things in life are free,' does the effect we have on others when we communicate with them spring to mind? This may be something that occupies the minds of the more sensitive people amongst us and for someone like me with hearing loss communication includes the words chosen, tone of voice and body language and admittedly becomes a minor obsession.

However, it is totally obvious why this is a mindfield. If you are continually reminded by, say, parents or schoolteachers to pay attention to your manners then the choices of how to convey yourself are much clearer then someone who has not had these outlines laid out to them.

This indicates to me that it matters more to someone who looks out for it, for example if you are left irritated when another car driver zooms by without the raising of a finger to acknowledge you giving them right of way.

If we think of all the instincts and responses which we inherit as human beings, it is understandable that some people notice manners more when they are on the receiving end of someone elses rudeness, which I personally recognise as the best way of learning how to treat other people in a way that makes them feel good.

My parents taught me to treat other people as I would like to be treated myself and also not to judge people too quickly or express my opinion of them. This can have the reverse effect of making me take the higher moral ground with someone isn't so preoccupied with these matters as I am and they may be left feeling as if they have been brushed off.

I said it was a minefield. Now I am setting out a concept in an analytical fashion that could be kept simply suggesting a good course of action is to do as you would be done by and see what comes back.

What I would like to achieve by taking a written journey through my views on this is discovering if there is a place for traditional manners in today's fast paced society with an ever expanding web of sophisticated and far reaching means of communication.

Some people have described a means of communication where the emphasis is on the perception created by the speaker rather than the effect on the listener as a type of chic. It has become fashionable to speak in a way that makes you seem cool, unavailable or picky about who you associate with, perhaps to create an illusion of celebrity status. This may be an evolved way of putting yourself further up the pecking order as a means of surviving in a perceived competitive world. But is this necessary?

I find personally that the way I communicate is reflected in the type of people who appear in my social circle which may sound very obvious. It must be exhausting keeping up a constant veneer of being hard to get in with and using this means to slide into select social groups.

However, isn't that where it all started? With the English class system and the expectations of behaviour and courtship in so called 'polite' society which you may recognise from Jane Austen novels. That traditional code of conduct must have been as demanding and frustrating when seemingly priviledged people couldn't get their needs met within the confines of their social protocols.

Therefore, can we say that there is good argument for today's freedom to choose how you wish to communicate and that your fortunes will be decided in the most natural way by simply the type of society that you end up in?

Or does that just leave us with a segregated society where different people who may share the same desires are unable to connect across their differences?

This may be going unneccessarily deep or could lead us somewhere useful. It's your choice as the reader. Is is possible to set out a vision for a peaceful and united humanity, never seen before except in self contained indigenous societies who don't change their code of conduct as it works perfectly successfully as it is?

Many of us must be familiar with the difference in our behaviour between two phone calls to the same company when one call is answered by someone who puts themselves aside and recognises the frustrations you are having with their service and tells you so and tries to sort it out and another call taken by someone defensive, who cannot be bothered and criticises you for your state of being.

However much we enjoy Facebook, Twitter and texting, I think that nothing is more powerful than human nature and that is something we all share. So let's share it and let it continue to take all of us somewhere really beautiful.